Glitter in the Air
by theARTalchemistify
Summary: Blaine has a secret. One that he's carried with him since before he transferred to Dalton. But when Kurt finds out, will they be able to work past it? Rating may go up.
1. Chapter 1

Glitter in the Air.

_Chapter 1  
><em>

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><p><em>[<em>_**Note; **__Trigger warning. Please be careful of reading this story. It revolves around self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and violence.]_

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><p>It's been said that everyone has their breaking point. Everyone reaches their limits. Everyone gets to that point where they just can't handle it anymore. Where the pain and sadness is just too much.<p>

For Blaine Anderson, that was a long time ago.

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><p>He'd been okay for months. Or, so he'd told himself. He was watched over by his friends, and other Warblers and he'd been fine. He hadn't thought about <em>that<em> in a long time. He hadn't gnoe near anything like that. Not since the first few months after he'd gotten to Dalton. That was a year ago.

But, then again. That was a year ago. He'd grown up since then. Things changed. A new school, new glee club. New _boyfriend. _It was all so different than it used to be. He'd tranfered to Mckinley to be with Kurt. His Kurt. His heart and soul and his _everythin_ when Kurt had said that he wanted their senior year to be perfect and that he had wanted to see Blaine more, well, he was quick to make the transfer.

But then there was Finn. Cutting him down as soon as he entered the choir room. And every day after when ever he opened his mouth to talk.

The worst pat was, no one even noticed. No one spoke up against it. Even Kurt only looked at him with sympathy. Nothing changed. It got worse. And this is why he went to Dalton in the first place, because of these people who would cut him down and make him feel worthless. This is why he'd started— No.

Then there came Sebastian Smythe. Who snaked his way into Blaine's life and under Kurt's skin. He could tell Kurt didn't like the other boy, from the moment they met at the Lima Bean. And when the went to Scandals Kurt voiced those opinions. But Blaine, ever the optimist, shrugged it off and tried to tell Kurt that he wasn't that bad.

Looking back at it now he wished he had listened. That he had turned tail and run. That he had listened to Kurt and not had even gone dancing. Hadn't gotten drunk and danced with Sebastian all night. Hadn't— God. Hadn't begged Kurt to sleep with him in the back of his car, claiming that it was 'all about them' and that it 'didn't matter where they did it'.

He was such an idiot. And the long walk home hadn't helped. He had ended up going up to his room and well— no. He couldn't think about that. He _couldn't_. He promised himself when he started dating Kurt he wouldn't do that anymore.

But he'd failed him. Just liked he'd failed that dance move. He couldn't believe he had down that. He had drilled it into his mind and body for weeks. He had been sure it was pracitcally muscle memory by the time the curtains rose. But it hadn't. He'd failed. He'd failed the cast, the audience and most of all _himself._

Then there was Kurt. Sweet, beautiful, flawless Kurt. Coming to find him after the show and telling him everything was okay between them and that _he wanted to go to Blaine's house._ He trusted Blaine again. Enough to do _that. _In that very moment he felt his heart flutter and his brain melt and his breath catch in his throat. He couldn't believe it. Kurt was back and loving him and he hadn't lost him.

That's all he had thought this week. This whole week. He'd screwed up. He'd lost Kurt forever. Kurt hated him. He _had_ too.

But here Kurt was, hands on his shoulders with a warm reassuring pressure and he wanted to spend the night with Blaine. He wanted to do that. With him of all people in the world.

"Ok." He said, his voice low and emotional and he couldn't believe he had been so stupid.

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><p>Everything was going fine, more than fine, perfectly. He was stradling Kurt and kissing him deeply, passionatly. Sure, they had made out before, but this was so much more, hands allowed to roam and Kurt's own shirt was off before his own. Mostly because he couldn't let Kurt see. Not yet. He was too nervous. Too broken.<p>

"Mhhhhm." Kurt groaned, pulling away from Blaine for a second so their eyes met, "As much as I love this, Blaine, your shirt _really _needs to go." He said, hands grasping the hem of Blaine's shirt and pushing it up and Blaine realized it was now or never. Kurt trusted him, he had to trust Kurt back.

Honey-hazel eyes closed when Kurt managed get his shirt off and he heard the other teen gasp softly. "B- Blaine." He heard his boyfriend breathe, and he couldn't open his eyes. He could just imagine how sad and concerned Kurt would look. How heartbroken he'd be.

"Blaine, hun. Look at me. Please." Kurt whispered, reaching up to cup Blaine's cheeks even though he was on the verge of tears himself. He didn't understand. Why was Blaine hurting so much that he had to resort to _that_. "P- please." He cursed himself when his voice cracked. He couldn't imagine Blaine alone in his bathroom— no.

Moments passed, then minutes, and maybe even hours before Blaine cracked open his eyes to look at Kurt and the way he was looking at him was horrible. He couldn't figure out why Blaine was so crushed. He didn't know what he was scared of. Kurt still loved him just as much. Maybe even more. He just—he wanted to know what's wrong.

The onyx-haired teen crawled back, off of Kurt and he shook his head. He looked so hurt and scared and it broke Kurt's heart and he sa up to look at the boy who was trying to get away from him, looking at anything but Kurt. "G- go…" Blaine whispered, his voice crakcing and so full of hurt that it made Kurt's breath catch. He couldn't stand seeing Blaine this hurt. No.

"Blaine—" he reached out a steady hand, not caring that he was half undressed and it should look ridicuolous. He was worried about Blaine.

"Get. _Out!_" Blaine snapped, swatting his boyfriends arm away in a fit of rage. Not at Kurt, but at himself. Kurt didn't know that, though, and his glasz eyes went wide and his mouth parted a little in shock and he just didn't understand. His own body was shaking at the tone of Blaine's voice and the hatred in his eyes and Kurt's eyes water.

"_Leave, Kurt._"

And that was that.


	2. Chapter 2

Glitter in the Air.

_Chapter 2_

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><p>"No." Kurt said, his voice harsher than Blaine had ever heard it. It made Blaine's eyes soften for a minute before falling back into his anger. He was doing this to Kurt. Making him sad and upset. It was <em>his<em> own fault.

"Kurt, please. Just go." He tried again, looking down at his hands that were in his lap, he was just so tired and hurt now. He didn't even put effort into being angry. His emotions were an absolute mess. Up and down.

"No. Blaine." Kurt said, softly, crawling over to Blaine. Slow and careful. Like he thought Blaine would get up and run, like a frightened rabbit. "I'm not leaving you alone." He said, taking Blaine's wrist's in his hands. His touch was gentle and Kurt noticed that Blaine's hands were shaking just as much as the rest of him was. "Not now. Not ever." He promised, looking at Blaine's face, not his arms, with concerned glasz eyes.

"_W- why_?" Blaine asked, his voice so quiet. Like a little kid who'd been scolded. It was barely there and _God_, it broke Kurt's heart.

"Because I love you." He said. "Look at what we were going to do. Do you not think I don't love you with all of my heart and soul?" he asked, ducking his head down a little to look at his boyfriend's face. It was just as sad as his voice had been, and Kurt realized something. Something that never happened.

Blaine was crying.

"Blaine." He said again, trying to get the older boy to look up at him, but no. He shook his head and shrunk further in on himself. "Please, baby, look at me." He said, his own voice quiet. Not harsh, or demanding, just concerned. Blaine and Kurt didn't use that pet name very often, only when one of them was upset and now it seemed appropriate.

The shorter boy let his eyes flicker up to Kurt's and the younger boy caught his face in both of his hands and brought their foreheads together, sitting up on his knees so he was practically in Blaine's lap. "Shh. Shush, honey. Please. Don't cry." Kurt whispered against Blaine's forehead, frantically brushing onyx curls out of the way so he could pepper the skin with soft kisses and even softer words. "Baby, please. Calm down. I love you. I love you _so much_." He said. "We'll get through this. Together. It's okay. It's okay." He promised. "I don't love you any less, B. I promise. I love you so much." He whispered between kisses.

It seemed like hours before Blaine calmed down enough to look at him and Kurt smiled, pulling him back so he could rest against Blaine's headboard and Blaine hugged his waist, pressing his cheek against his boyfriend's chest.

"See, it's okay." Kurt said, kissing Blaine's curls before his hand reached down to lace his finders with Blaine's, pulling it up to his lips to kiss his palm. He smiled when Blaine seemed to relax after a second and kissed down his palm, down his wrist. Tracing the small lines with his lips. He was worried that some of these looked fresh. Like they could have been down this last week—Oh god. He hoped not.

"I love you." He said, before smiling down at Blaine again, who was calm in his arms. The other boy didn't say anything, he just moved up so he was straddling Kurt again before giving him a passionate and not-so-innocent, kiss. "I love you too, Kurt." He said, pausing before he said Kurt's name and it made the younger boy groan a little.

He guessed that everything was back to normal. He wouldn't push Blaine into telling him what was wrong, he would tell him on his own time. He was sure.

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><p>He felt so stupid. Even as Kurt was curled up next o him, sound asleep. He had to be exhausted after all that they had done. He understood that. But that left Blaine to his thoughts. And, well, it was terrifying.<p>

Kurt had seen the one thing he was so insecure about, and he didn't run away. He didn't get scared. He didn't call him a freak, or mental or whatever else he'd heard. He'd comforted him and well, then everything that had been originally planned happened.

He felt the younger boy snuggle closer in his sleep, resting his forehead in that all-too-familiar place where Blaine's shoulder and neck met. It was Kurt's favorite, and he swore it was made for him to rest his head. They just fit so perfectly.

Kurt whimpered and snuggled closer, and Blaine snaked his arms around his waist. Whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he calmed back down and was able to sleep peacefully. That was how things should have been, Kurt was the one who needed protecting. Reassuring. Not him.

Though, he could hear Kurt arguing in his head, saying that they were equal and if he thought for a second he wasn't going to take care of Blaine that he was sorely mistaken. Blaine smiled, a small upturn of his lips as he hid his face in Kurt's hair. Taking in his scent. Vanilla. Kurt always smelt like vanilla. Vanilla and Kurt. And it was the most amazing thing in the world.

Everything about Kurt was amazing. Absolutely everything.

And he'd let him down. He'd fallen back into his habit that he had sworn off. He relapsed. He failed.

"God." He breathed, his voice cracking as he hid his face farther into Kurt's hair and wrapped his arms tighter around him. "I'm such a screw-up." He said, sadly.

It wouldn't be the first time he'd told himself that. That someone else had told him that. He'd heard it plenty of times in his life, and at one point it had gotten to the point that he believed it.

Kurt woke up alone in Blaine's bed. He really wasn't sure where Blaine had gone off too and he found it extremely difficult to get out of the bed at first, and he wrapped one of the sheets around himself, looking around the room.

"Blaine?" he asked, quietly, before noticing the door to Blaine's bathroom was open, and his heart stopped. No. He couldn't be doing that. Not now. Kurt had said that he wasn't mad. He still loved him.

For once in his life, he was wishing he had something to pray to. Pray for Blaine to be okay. Pray that when he opened the door the rest of the way he wouldn't find what he thought he'd find.

"Oh my god, Blaine." He gasped at what he saw. "No."


	3. Chapter 3

Glitter in the Air.  
><em>Chapter 3<em>

_[__**Note; **__Trigger warning. Please be careful of reading this story. It revolves around self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and violence.]_

_[**Au Note; **Thank you guys for the reviews! I'm so glad you all like the story. - Stella]_

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><p>No. The word slipped through his lips like a gasp. A simple gush of air that escaped his lungs all at once and made them feel like they were collapsing. Crushing his heart in the process. His mind went blank, only one word repeating itself.<p>

_Blaine._

Blaine who was lying on the floor of his bathroom. Blaine who he had told he had loved multiple times the night prior. Blaine who had tried to make him leave and shut him out. Blaine who he had thought had been okay. He had to be okay. This was Blaine. His Blaine. His perfect, sweet, goofy, loving, Blaine.

"Blaine?" he asked again, his voice so quiet and frightened that he wouldn't be surprised if Blaine couldn't hear him. He didn't have enough air in his lungs to speak any louder.

What if Blaine had done— no. He couldn't. He was fine last night. He had been okay.

"Blaine, honey. Come on… Answer- Blaine talk to me." He said, pushing the door open with his bare foot. He wasn't sure what shocked him more, the fact that Blaine wasn't talking to him, or the fact there was blood under one of Blaine's arms. "_Blaine!_" he gasped, rushing to his boyfriend's side on the floor.

He had to thank whatever being that may or may not be out there that Blaine was breathing and that his hazel eyes moved to meet his own once Kurt got him into a sitting position. "Honey, look at me." He said, gently as his am reached out to grab some sort of cloth of something that he could press against his arm.

Kurt looked up, seeing that Blaine was looking at him, and then back down at his arm. Like he didn't want to look at him. Kurt could understand. He was so frightened and worried and it probably reflected in his eyes.

"Blaine." He said his voice barely a whisper. His hands were shaking and he had to struggle to translate his thoughts into words. "You'll be okay, baby. I promise."

He didn't lift his hands from the shorter teen's arm, keeping the pressure on that one spot. But, he leaned forward, brushing his lips against the skin above his boyfriend's eyebrow. He heard Blaine let out a shaking breath and his heart broke. Shattered into a dozen tiny pieces.

How in the world could one boy, who was so kind and gentle and perfect in every way, be in so much pain?

"Can I clean it? Blaine?" he asked, not looking down at the cut that was hiding just under the towel, but at Blaine's face. He felt a gigantic weight lift from his shoulders when Blaine nodded and pointed to the cupboard under the sink.

It had been a stretch, but Kurt finally got the first aid kit out from under the sink, right were Blaine had said it would be. He managed to clean it and wrap it without breaking down. Which was an amazing feat in and of itself.

He didn't think that Blaine understood how much this was hurting him. Yes, he knew Blaine would be upset that he did it, and he wanted more than anything to take whatever was hurting Blaine so badly and destroy it. He didn't deserve this pain. He didn't deserve anything this horrible.

"Blaine." He started again, and he had to wonder how many times he had said it in the past few minutes. He finished wrapping Blaine's wrist and forearm and put everything back into the little box before placing it back under the sink.

He rose to his feet, noticing something out of the corner of his eye. "Oh." He gasped, the familiar crushing feeling coming back as he leaned down to pick up what he had saw. It was a razor. He was frozen in place, staring at the small piece of metal in his hand. It was so small, but it held so much power and so much pain. It scared Kurt. Thoroughly frightened him. So much so that he dropped it into the waste bin.

"K- Kurt." He head Blaine say. His voice more vulnerable and quiet then he had ever remembered hearing it before. It frightened Kurt. Seeing someone so strong and brave so hurt and fragile. It was scared him.

"Blaine… come back to bed…" the younger man said, his own voice quiet. He knew Blaine would come to him on his own time, but for now he needed to comfort him. "Please?" he asked, and when Blaine made a move to get up Kurt reached out to steady him. Just in case.

There wasn't anything more frightening than seeing a loved one so hurt. So much so that they resorted to self-harm. There. He said it. Blaine hurt himself. It was his outlet. He didn't know why he did it, but he did. And there was nothing he could do about it. He just had to be there to help him when he fell to that level and try and keep him away from it when he hadn't quiet fallen. That was his job as Blaine's boyfriend.

Kurt walked back to Blaine's bed, the sheets tossed haphazardly apart and pillows resting in disarray. He had to be thankful that they had the day to themselves, since Blaine's parents were gone. He crawled back into the bed and when Blaine joined him he wrapped his arms around him. So different from the night before when Kurt fell asleep in Blaine's arms. The younger of the two teens pulled the blankets up and over their heads, hiding them from the rest of the world and when he pressed his forehead against Blaine's he felt the other boy grasp at his back. He had forgotten that he had never put his shirt back on, and feeling Blaine's cold hands so close to his spine made him gasp and sent a shiver down his spine.

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><p>They laid there in silent for what seemed like hours, Kurt pressing sweet kisses into his boyfriend's hair and even though he was scared and worried and that his hands were still shaking he did his best to calm Blaine. Whispering sweet nothings in every way and language he knew how and then some.<p>

"I- I'm so sorry, Kurt." He heard Blaine whisper. And that's when it hit him. Like an oncoming truck. Blaine was crying.

"Shh, shush. Don't apologize." He managed to get out, pulling the other boy closer to him and hiding his face in the onyx curls. He really couldn't believe that such a beautiful boy could be in so much pain. That the perfect teen he held in his arms was hurting this much. And it made his already broken heart break. "I am so proud of you, Blaine. This doesn't change anything." He promised.

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><p>After that simple sentence, he had felt Blaine relax in his arms and after a few moments he realized that Blaine had fallen asleep. Having had exhausted himself.<p>

He had to admit, he hadn't thought the morning after his first time would have been like that. He had always fantasized waking up in the arms of his boyfriend and well, it was more romantic than this had been. But Blaine mattered more than that.

He had to admit this had frightened him to death, but if this was at worse as it got, he could handle it. He'd faced much worse.

But, then again, what if it wasn't the worse? He had no way of knowing. He just had to hope for the best and prepare for the worse. Whatever that may be, but he hoped it didn't get worse.

He'd already lost so many people in his life. He couldn't lose anyone else. Especially not Blaine. Not his perfect, sweet, beautiful, kind, lovely Blaine.

For the first time since his transfer to and from Dalton, Kurt Hummel cried himself to sleep. Just the thought of losing the boy who was curled up in his arms was too much for him.

If only he knew what would come next for them. For him.


End file.
